When the honeymoon and the marriage is over!
Whew! So, the divorce is final and the lawyer left you just enough money to go to Hawaii, but this time you’re going ALONE. This time, you only have to worry about entertaining yourself. No nagging, whining, and bitching from your ex on this vacation.
There are plenty of Hawaiian activities and sweet deals to ease the pain of a broken heart (or celebrate newfound freedom) and a depleted bank account – more fun in Hawaii than you can handle, Braddah.
Now, you get to do fun things without your old stick-in-the-mud ex. Time to be self-centered, self-absorbed, and even a little narcissistic. Remember, you are the sun and the planets all revolve around you.
Burn off the rage and stay out of jail
Face it, you might still be pretty bitter about the divorce and seething with barely contained rage. You want to stay out of trouble.
Something must be done to douse the flames of resentment and hostility. Besides, when you are in Hawaii you want beach time, not jail time.
You will want to partake of the following activities mentioned here in this guide; it sure as hell beats taunting the animals at the Honolulu Zoo.
Laugh away the anger and pain
Proudly put on that tawdry Aloha shirt she always hated or that dress he swore showed too much skin, strap on the fanny pack (I’m just kidding, don’t even THINK about wearing a fanny pack), and strut your butt down to an Oahu Comedy Club – and be prepared to laugh until you have a stroke or at least injure a body part.
It’s time to put some levity back in your life. Sit down front so the comedians can easily pick on you and humiliate you in front of total strangers with a steady assault of razor-sharp insults. No problem, you’re used to it anyway. It’ll feel like Court, all over again, only less expensive.
Get shit-faced drunk and heckle a few comics, get slapped by some dude’s girlfriend and get roughed up by the bouncer after you won’t leave quietly (see the fanny pack advice above). That would be more excitement than you’ve had in five years being with the ex. This will be a Hawaiian vacation to tell your grandchildren about, if you live through it.
Putting the shivers back in your timbers
Another way to cure the post-divorce blues (or celebrate with something other than the Cabbage Patch dance) is to dress up like a pirate and dive into the frivolity at Hawaii Pirate Ship Adventures on Oahu.
Swashbucklers in the 16th century didn’t put up with any guff and neither will you.
Surrounded by actors playing pirates and wide-eyed tourists from the Mainland, you can fantasize about making your ex walk the plank, then watch her drop into the shark infested ocean. “Ye will make mighty fine shark cuisine,” you’ll snarl!
In addition, you will be able to arm-wrestle a burly, unruly pirate and get your photo taken with your body in a pillory. At Hawaii Pirate Ship Adventures you can also BYOB for a merry good time too, matey!
Air travel by the seat of your pants
Some activities are more fun above ground. Never had a chance to take a Hawaiian helicopter adventure because your ex got airsick? Now here’s your chance to soar through the Hawaiian skies in a helicopter.
Dip dangerously close to the lava flow pouring into the Pacific off the shore of the Big Island, or whirl above Waikiki until your eyes roll back into your head and you can feel your stomach in your throat. Come face to face with death or dismemberment and have fun doing it.
A helicopter ride can be a great place to hook up, too, especially if another smokin’ hot passenger (probably a guy) is stricken with fear and grabs onto you like a vise. The only potential problem is if this same someone gets nauseous, clutches their stomach and pukes all over you.
And speaking of vomit, don’t fret. No need for dry cleaning or donating your clothes to Goodwill.
For helicopter rides, here on Oahu, here’s one choice.
Shark encounters of the fun kind
Ever kissed a hammerhead shark on the lips? Well, you will almost get your wish if you squeeze into a cage for shark adventures on the North Shore of Oahu.
You can share a cage with 4-8 other adventurers (or people with a death wish) in a 9 foot by 9 foot by 8 foot cage made of metal (it should keep you safe, we think).
You may see all kinds of creatures, but you’ll be eye-balling the sharks that range from five to 15 feet long. Don’t forget to wear your snorkel equipment, bring a waterproof camera and make sure you carry enough life insurance.
You may also get the chance to visit with barracuda, manta-rays or spinner dolphins. A whale might even show up. Once they lower you into the water, though, there’s no turning back.
No whining or even screaming in fear, or you risk getting bitch-slapped by your fellow cage dwellers.
Putting the zip into your Hawaiian vacation
This activity is not for the faint of heart or someone who has a crippling fear of heights. The Ka’a’awa Valley on Oahu will seduce you with its lush greenery, native flora and fauna.
Now imagine yourself going for a short, easy hike, followed by the exhilarating sensation of zipping through the air above the valley. You will also get schooled on some interesting facts about Hawaiian culture as it relates to the area.
Downshift and Heal
Finally, after an adrenaline-soaked week of adventure, beat-downs, and near-death experiences, you will want to do something calming, soothing, and even, yes, relaxing. Time to take in a movie.
Check out the new Kapolei Commons 12-Plex, which features enormous, cushy leather seats that recline, mega leg room, a screen and sound system on steroids and nifty, large trays for your snacks. If the theater was a jet, you’d be in first class.
But in keeping with your new attitude, go see a heart-thumping action or horror flick that will send your vitals off the charts and jump-start the cycle of perilous adventures all over again!
Do you know any other fun Hawaiian activities for divorcees or recently singles? Let us know!