16 Everyday Things More Likely to Kill You than A Shark
originally published at medium.com
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“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” was more than a product advertisement. Every day, some 20 people trip, fall and die. It might be the sudden stop after the fall or striking an object on the way down, but tripping is seriously hazardous to your health, like 6000 deaths each year serious.
Yep. Cows. In most cases, cows kill by stepping in front of vehicles that can’t stop in time. But, there is also the occasional loss of life due to cow-tipping.
Cow-tipping sounds fun, after a few tequila shots. But, before you get loaded, acknowledge that a tipped cow can fall in TWO directions and one of them will dump several hundred pounds of ground beef on you.
Pro Tip- Avoid Uber rides to local farms.
Who knew? But, in a world that’s built for righties, being left-handed can be hazardous. More often than not, these deaths are the result of controls, such as the gas and brake pedal in a car, being set up for right-handed folks.
2500 lefties are killed each year, by a myriad of righty devices, including the deadly circular saw.
Pro tip- if you want to exercise your brain, do things with your left hand occasionally. Try brushing your teeth, combing your hair, etc., with your left hand. But, this tip doesn’t extend to power tools or vehicles. That’s a Darwin Award waiting to happen.
Cold weather is actually more dangerous than sharks and 15 US residents are killed each year by falling icicles. This silent, yet beautiful killers are waiting for you in the wintertime, biding their time until they can fall on an unsuspecting human passing underneath. BEWARE and look up, when you’re heading out into the frozen tundra.
Pro Tip- They’re still fun to lick, though!
It would be easy to dismiss beds as a cause of death in infants and young children, but this isn’t always the case.
If you’ve ever partied too hard and tried to sleep with the room spinning, you know how dangerous a bed can be. And, even in the absence of alcohol, hundreds of adults fall out of bed or suffocate in their beds each year.
Pro Tip- Your Sleep Number Setting is 911?
Ok, we get it. You paid serious money for that Tootsie Roll and you want it. Now!!! But, there is a fine line between trying to jiggle a vending machine and assuming that you can handle the hundreds of pounds of angry machine when you tip it. Just as the 2.2 people who are crushed by a vending machine every year.
Pro Tip- Maybe you’d be better buying from the Mountain Man?
Coconuts, like icicles, are silent assassins. They hang out high in palm trees, just waiting for the opportunity to drop on someone’s gourd. As crazy as it sounds, 150 people are dropped by a coconut each year.
And, worse yet, some people actually thing shimmying up a coconut tree to take home a souvenir is a good idea! Seriously?
Pro Tip- Get the bobble-head hula girl to take home and leave the coconuts for the next unsuspecting tourist.
There are so many reasons to pop a bottle of bubbly- new babies, weddings, Stanley Cups and more. But, there’s no such thing as a safe bottle of champagne. Treat champagne bottles like firearms and you’re much more likely to avoid being one of the 24 people who are killed by a flying champagne cork each year.
Pro tip- throw a towel over the corked bottle BEFORE you unleash the cork on walls, pets or people.
Mowing the Lawn
Do you love the smell of freshly cut grass? We do.
But, we don’t love it enough to mow the yard in flip flops or thunderstorms. We also don’t think moving grass at a 45 degree angle is a very smart move. 88 people each year would most likely agree with us, if they weren’t dead.
And, when it’s 100 degrees outside, mowing the lawn is better completed when the sun is setting, because sudden death due to hot temperatures can add you to the 88 amateur landscapers who are killed mowing the lawn every year.
Pro Tip- fake grass doesn’t need mowed.
Bambi is a killer!!! 130 people, in the US alone, are killed by deer each year. The vast majority of these folks were cruising down the road, belting out Bon Jovi, when their vehicle and a deer went head-to-head. Everybody loses- the deer dies, the car is totaled and you’re no longer around to see if Flo from Progressive really shows up.
Pro Tip- deer whistles work!!
Latex Party Balloons
Sucking helium and talking like a munchkin from the Wizard of Oz sounds like a good time, until it’s not. Every year, 5 people are killed doing things with party balloons that they shouldn’t. There was a brief decline in this number during the helium shortage of 2013, but those Dark Vader and Hello Kitty killers are back to their usual homicidal tricks again.
Pro Tip- Whip it, whip it good!
We really can’t explain why pencils are more likely to kill than pens. Our best guess is that a well-sharpened pencil functions more like a dart than a writing instrument. We fondly remember flipping pencils up in the air to get them stuck in the acoustic ceiling, but we were the lucky ones. Every year, 100 people are killed by pencils.
Pro Tip- crayons don’t kill anyone. Just saying.
Of all the killers on our list, this one probably makes the most sense. There are ant species who are perfectly willing to swarm and kill, should you wander too close to their home.
In Hawaii, there are efforts underway to eradicate some non-local ant species who are a little too willing to brawl. Whenever you are headed to a new place, take the time to investigate what tiny killers might be present there. That way, you’ll avoid being one of the 50 who are killed by ants every year.
Pro Tip- if the ants don’t get you, the killer bees might.
Gluttony- one of the original deadly sins. But, even svelte people are killed by food. Most of the time, it’s not the food’s fault. People take big bites of gooey foods, choke and die. Think this is rare? Nope. 3000 people are killed by food each year.
So, if the cow didn’t get you on the road, it gets another crack at your favorite burger joint.
Pro Tip- Chew!!
Crazy as it sounds, neckties can be dangerous. And, we’re not talking about the Columbian version. People suffocate and die via necktie, totaling 10 souls a year.
We’ve found no data that suggests that one tie knot is safer than another, but Casual Friday is looking better and better.
Pro Tip- Go with the clip-on.
Black Friday Sales
And last on our list of everyday killers is the one that probably gets more social media sharing than the rest. Nothing says Happy Holidays like a stampede of shoppers, who just spent 11 hours sitting outside in the rain, crushing, shooting and stabbing each other for that $200 big screen.
Pro Tip- Cyber Monday.